


I'll Be Home For Christmas

by Blepshmep



Category: One Piece, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Based on a song, Christmas, Found Family, One Piece characters used as ocs, basically a repackaged hallmark movie, basically william lives and it all took place in the late 80s early 90s, bc im not v creative but i am currently obsessed with one piece, cannon events still apply but like- also dont, cannon is optional tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blepshmep/pseuds/Blepshmep
Summary: Robert tries to make it home to his family this holiday season but alas, it seems like fate itself is trying to keep him away! Now he wonders if he'll even make it in time for Christmas.(One Piece has Hijacked my Jojo fic someone help)
Relationships: Erina Pendleton Joestar & Robert Edward O. Speedwagon, Erina Pendleton Joestar/Jonathan Joestar, Robert Edward O. Speedwagon/William Anthonio Zeppeli
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Prologue

"Aren't you planning this out a tad too much? By your plans you'll be here by the fifteenth but you make it sound as though you're pushing it close to Christmas eve!"

"Erina, my dear, I'm simply worried that if I don't plan it this way something will come up and I won't make it at all."

"Alright, though I really can't see what could possibly go so wrong as to keep the _legendary_ Robert E.O. Speedwagon away from home during the holidays." She teases, playful smirk audible through the phone.

"Don't jinx me!" he laughs. "Have you told George I'm coming yet?"

"Of course, he's been helping Jonathan decorate and last I heard they were singing 'Santa Claus is coming to town' but threw in 'Uncle Speedwagon' instead of Santa!"

The pair's joyous giggles fill Robert's small Texas apartment.

"William told me he's going to plan on being here by the eighteenth and he's bringing Elisabeth with him, Straizo decided he's going to spend the holidays enjoying some peace and quiet." Erina adds.

"There'll be peace and quiet...at night and nap time." Robert chuckles with his friend as the joke lands. There isn't much quiet at all with two three-year-olds tottering around.

"And even less quiet for you, I'll bet your boyfriend has many a romantic gestures planned for you~"

"You say that as though he will ever best me~" he lifts a stack of papers and audibly flips the pages of his various romantic plots.

"And you say _that_ as though you won't turn to a blubbering puddle of goo as soon as he so much as kisses you!"

Robert lets out an offended gasp to her maniacal giggles.

"Oh, it's getting late here, I'd love to keep talking but my boys need me. Call me when you're on your way!"

"Of course, I'll see you soon."

Robert hangs up the phone and takes in the quiet of his apartment. "God I can't wait." He whispers wistfully to himself.

He turns to the stack of paper holding his travel plans. Maybe he is over prepared… what could go wrong?


	2. What Could Go Wrong

With the sound of a car horn outside Speedwagon grabs hold of his suitcase and rushes out the door, the heavy snowfall making him anxious about the upcoming drive. The airport he booked his flight for is in Dallas, a three hour drive from his apartment in Austin given moderate traffic. He did, in his planning, schedule for a six hour drive with the hellish holiday traffic that begins as early as a week before December.

Snow however, is less predictable that traffic. With road closures, snow plows, inevitable icy car crashes, and limited visibility, the trip could easily surpass his three extra hours.

“Really comin’ down out there ain’t it?” the driver chuckles as they pull onto the main road.

“Just hoping it won’t bury my holiday plans.” Robert responds, a joking tone but nervous eyes.

“Not from round’ here are ya’? Well we don’t tend ta get much snow down here in the south, the most ya’ gotta worry bout is a few hours flight delay. But I’m guessin’ you’re the overprepared type anyhow!”

“Better to be overprepared than underprepared I say!”

The two make idle chatter as the taxi putters through the holiday traffic and the snow continues to fall.

An hour later the visibility is severely low and traffic slows almost to a halt as police frantically redirect traffic and instruct drivers to pull over at the nearest diners, corner stores, and motels to wait out the storm.

“Sorry friend, I’m ‘fraid I mighta jinxed us with my optimistic reassurance. I haven’t seen snow like this in years!”

“It’s alright, I’ll make it somehow!” Robert shines a smile, his own optimism glowing through.

The driver smiles back and continues to drive, albeit very slow and cautious, through the storm.

_ Vrrrrrr VRrrrr VRRRRrrrr _ the tiny yellow taxi roars, tires slicking against mud and ice. Two tires stuck firmly in the slush, they’d need a tow truck to get it out now, it would take hours to wait for the weather to clear to even be able to call a tow and Robert only has an hour to make it to the airport for his flight.

“Damn it!” Robert rests his forehead on the icy car, his slack soaked and his jacket, as well as the driver’s, lay completely soiled in the mud, their best attempt at helping the car get some traction. “...How far out from the airport are we?” he asks suddenly.

“‘Bout two miles, why?”

Robert pops the trunk and slings his suitcase over his shoulder. “Alright, I can make that.”

“In this weather are ya kiddin’!?!?” they exclaim, alarmed and concerned.

“I said I’ll be home for christmas. So home for christmas I’ll be!” Robert chortles and the driver’s bewildered sputtering and turns to jog at a steady pace, the snow would tire him faster but his years, and more specifically his winters, on England’s streets taught him nothing if not how to outrun anyone in the snow.

He makes it to the airport and rushes through the checks as fast as they’ll allow, gaining many sympathetic looks from strangers on his soaking and freezing state.

During the bag checks an elderly woman pulls a towel from her suitcase and hands it to him, he tries to wave her off but she insists.

“It isn’t anything special to me young man, and frankly you need it more than I do.” she chuckles kindly.

“Ey blondie, catch!”

Robert looks over the the officer manning the bag check two rows over just as his reflexes allow his to catch the heating pack, likely bought at the corner store and kept in his pockets as a hand warmer. The guy gives him a thumbs up and gets back to work.

“Thank you!” Robert shouts over, thankful for the feeling coming back to is numb finger tips, “And thank you very much young madame.” he says softly and sincerely to the elderly woman before him.

“Oh you,” she giggles at his referring to her as ‘young’, “Now I believe that we both have flights to catch. She nods to the officer holding both of their bags, having searched Robert’s by now as well.

He rushes to his gate, shows his ticket, and…

“Oh I’m so sorry you just missed it, your flight left about ten minutes ago.” the overworked attendant says in a customer service voice that shows she’s had twelve too many people yelling at her today.

“And I’m guessing all other flights are booked to hell?”. Her apologetic eyes and tired smile are all the confirmation he needs. “Thank you anyways, have a happy holidays.” he makes sure to give her a smile and checks at the desk for any available flights just if per chance someone gave up their seat, but of course not.

So he goes to the airport’s cafe and sips his too-sweet coffee, one eye firmly covered with his palm. Just like that all his travel plans have fallen apart. What now?

“Hey Mister,” Robert is shaken from his daze by the voice of a teenage boy. The boy is dressed in clothes easily associated with a punk, leather jacket, fingerless gloves, spiked neon green hair, piercings, but in great contrast he’s flanked by a stout girl wearing one too many sweaters to look anything but adorably dorky, another boy in a tux, and what seemed to be a couple of two boys, the first in a sweater and the second wearing two jackets, one of them clearly the first’s, as the two share a scarf despite being indoors at the moment, finished by a punk girl with pink hair holding several coffee cups to hand off to the group.

“Hey Mister where was ya flight headed?” The punk asks.

Robert considers the oddball group before him, “New York, from there I had another flight to England,” he chuckles a little ruefully.

The punk scrunches his face for a second, “Tell ya’ what. Me n’ this crew here’s flight to Florida was overbooked and we all got kicked, I got a van and I’m gonna drive us all there myself. I know it ain’t New York or England but hey, if you wanna come along I’m sure the sunny weather down there’ll be able to find ya a flight or somthn’!”

Robert finds himself puzzled by the offer, the group before him seemed to be all of the same age, late teens, and were headed to the same place from the same unlucky flight, “Why are you inviting me?”

The punk grinns like he’s got the smartest answer in the world, “Because I’m just awesome like that!”

“That’s all!?” He laughs at the absurd simplicity of the statement.

“Yeah that’s all! My ma taught me to help out anyone and everyone and I ain’t about to let her down on christmas of all times! So, you in or what?”

He pauses for a moment to consider, either go to Florida with these kids and try his damndest to make it home, or call a taxi back to his little apartmen- “I’m in!” he cuts of his thoughts there, he’s Robert E.O. Speedwagon Goddamnit! And he’s making it home for christmas!”

The teens all cheer.

The punk introduces himself as Bartholomeo, actually a law student coming home to his single mother for the holidays. The sweater girl’s name is Tashigi, she’s a criminal justice major along with the two boys, Coby and Helmeppo (Helmeppo being the one with both jackets and crouching down awkwardly to keep sharing the scarf with his boyfriend despite being a good bit taller than him). The three of them trying to escape their school for a while to spend time with their friends in Florida instead. The punk girl, Desire, doesn’t really have anywhere to be so she’s tagging along with her childhood friend and self-proclaimed brother, Bartholomeo. The boy in the tux, named Sanji actually came all the way to Texas for his girlfriend only to be dumped on arrival, told there was an available plane seat, only then for the flight to be overbooked, he just wants to get back home to cry into his cozy pillowcase.

Bartholomeo tosses Robert a spare pair of clothes, they fit too tight and the style feels odd to him but he can’t deny that they are, in fact, warmer than anything in his currently dripping wet suitcase that he unfortunately lacked the foresight to make sure was waterproof.

With that they pile in the well maintained and colorfully decorated van that belonged to Bartholomeo, number one fan of the Strawhat Pirate band, second only to Coby who will challenge him to trivia in the band members at any opportunity.

_ ‘The car ride may be long, but at least it won’t be boring.’ _ Robert muses idly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok So funny story: I was gonna use OC's but then I realized I'm big dumb and not creative enough to make up that many characters on the spot so fuck it- I'm using Piece Characters as side characters because that's my current hyperfixation and I do what I want.   
> Note that if you don't watch One Piece you won't be missing anything from the plot of this fic, maybe an "easteregg" or two but really, these characters are just gonna fill the roles with a little more personality that my brain's generically generated Halmark(tm) lads.


	3. Ice Breakers and Party Makers

“So how do you all spend the holidays?” Tashigi asks to break the quiet while Desire fusses with the radio.

“Crying because I’m lonely.” is Sanji’s pathetic answer.

“If you go through a breakup like this every year, I think you’re doing romance wrong.” Robert remarks, a smug smile teasing his lips as the others burst into laughter.

“Ha-ha, I bet you wouldn’t know the first thing about pleasing a woman.”

“I should hope not, my boyfriend would not be very happy with me if I did.” he quipps back

“Oooooooh! You got owned!” Bartholomeo jeers, one hand leaving the wheel to make diss-hands.

“Alright hot-shot how long have you and your _boyfriend_ been together?” Sanji stretches for a clap back.

“Three years. In fact,” Robert searches his pockets, struggling with the tighter pants he’s currently wearing, and pulls out a ring box.

“Can’t fight him on that one, he’s got it made.” Coby says approvingly.

“Ok well there’s no way everyone in this car is better off than me, what about you two? How long have you been- hold on is that legal?” Sanji stops mid-question as he finally notices Helmeppo on Coby’s lap with the seatbelt across both of them.

“Oh I’d say its been about five years now.” Helmeppo provides with a yawn, settling into what must be comfortable but looks rather awkward of a position with his head against his boyfriend’s chest.

Robert restrains a snicker at the three criminal justice majors and one law major all of whom do not answer the question of legality over car lap-sitting. It is most certainly not legal.

Sanji turns to Tashigi.

“I’m focusing on my career.” she says simply.

“More like you have a line of people lined up around the block to date you and haven’t felt like dealing with it.” Helmeppo mutters, half asleep.

“Right well how about we get back to my first suggestion of Christmas, _(or holiday if you don’t celebrate like that)_ , traditions!”

“Well music stuff mostly, but I can’t get this damn thing to work!” Desire slaps the dashboard in anger and sits back in a huff, “Aren’t you a huge fan of that one band? Why the hell don’t your speakers work!?”

“They do… or they did. I maaayy have blown them out.”

Robert’s eyes widened, “You blew them out? Car speakers? I know cars. I know them damn well. How ith the _fuck_ did you manage to blow them out?” he asks, pure astonished bewilderment.

“....In my defense ‘We are’ by the Strawhats fucking slaps.” 

Coby cheers and Sanji snorts, suspiciously hiding his face with his jacket.

“Well I hope you guys are good at keeping conversation going because if not then this is going to be a very awkwardly quiet car ride. Fifteen hours of silence.”

The group falls quiet as if to perfectly highlight her point.

“Well if we’re talking traditions,” Robert begins, “I perhaps wasn’t the most fortunate child, the holiday season for me used to mean cold weather, something very dangerous without shelter, and some nights we had to keep each other from falling asleep. So me n’ the boys used to sing those beautiful christmas carols as badly as we could at the tops of our lungs.”

His audience clearly had no idea whether they were allowed to laugh at the punchline with such a sad background, so he continued, “The best part was when the cops bribed us to shut the fuck up.”

With his devilish grin the car filled with chortles, Desire having to grab hold of the wheel to keep Bartholomeo from swerving off the road.

“So what, are you suggesting we sing loud and bad enough to get the cops on our asses?” a now very awake Helmeppo grumbles rhetorically.

Three hours later…

The car is silent as they carefully watch the cop car pull back onto the main road.

“He’s out of sight.” Robert reports.

“Thank fuck.” Helmeppo cries, Tashigi and Coby having to help pry him from the floor between seats where they had unceremoniously thrown him as soon as the cop started to pull them over.

“I can’t believe you just got a DUI for _T H I S_!” Desire cackles as she settles into the driver’s seat.

“Like I wasn’t supposed to jam that hard to the Queen herself, Mariah Carey?” Bartholomeo asks, offended.

“But you didn’t have to go _that_ hard.” Tashigi pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Anything less would be an insult.” Robert gulps down a bottle of water, if he sang every song as hard as he did that one, he wouldn’t have a voice anymore.

“Well congratulations and Merry Christmas Robert, we celebrated the holidays your way.” Helmeppo scoffs, acting like several moments ago he hadn’t been the loudest and most passionate voice among them.

They fall quiet for a moment.

“So who wants to attempt Carol of the Bells?” Desire suggests.

They got pulled over three more times before stopping at a motel for the night.

Late that night, Robert steps out of the room, intending to call Erina using the pay phone across the street when he runs into Sanji resting against a wall as he smokes.

“Maybe that’s why girls keep breaking up with you,” Robert teases, walking over to lean against the wall next to him.

“Excuse me!?”

“Cigarette lips taste awful,” Robert sticks out his tongue, “trust me, I’ve kissed a few in my lifetime.”

“Oh haha. Listen just because you’ve got it made doesn’t mean you’ve got the right to sas me over my disaster of a love life.”

“Well since you at least admit it’s a disaster, I don’t see the harm in hearing some advice from an old man like me.”

“Old man? You’re what, 30? I’m 19, so that’s not nearly big enough of a gap to make any romantic difference. I’ll bet you’ve only even been with one guy. And besides, I’m not gay like you.”

“Whoever said I’m gay?” Robert retorts cheekily. “As a proud 28 year old  _ experienced _ bisexual I think I just migh have a few useful things to say.”

Sanji flounders for a moment. “Guess I can’t stop you if you’re going to say it all anyways.” he grumbles, turning to the side to hide his interest.

Robert hums satisfactorily.

“How would you describe love?”

Sanji sputters, “You- you’re not supposed to just start by asking stuff like that y’know!”

He raises an eyebrow ‘ _ answer the question’ _

“..Love. Love is giving your all to someone, putting your heart on your sleeve and carrying all their woes for them,” Sanji slips into a dreamy and theatrical voice, “it finding the other half of your own soul.”

“Is that all?”

“Is that all?  _ Is that all!? _ That is  _ everything _ !”

“No. It’s not. If keep giving nothing but kindness and taking nothing but someone else’s negativity you’re going to end up hurt from a relationship that was failed from the start.”

“But women are-”

“Then stop thinking about it in terms of women.” Sanji seemed to have a fixation on women somehow being superior and god-like beings simply for their gender and Robert honest to god had neither the time nor the patience to even begin on that, so instead he’ll focus on helping this poor guy’s love life. He’s not a bad guy, not by a long shot. He’s simply misguided, and left on his own to figure this out for too long.

“But I’m not interested in guys!” Sanji snaps, all too harshly.

“Would you say that being interested in men is a bad thing?”

“Not at all! But-”

“Then please, entertain the idea.”

“...Alright…”

“Now the best advice I can give for you to think about is this; Love is not sacrificing yourself for someone else superior to you and it is not finding your other half. Love is mutual sacrifice through compromise and it’s more like one complete soul finding another complete soul, both humming the same song.”

“So what, I have to tell her-  _ them _ all of my problems as well?”

“Of course.”

“But what if I don’t want to burden them?”

“Does it feel like a burden to you when you listen to their problems?”

“Of course not!...” Sanji’s strong voice trails off as he maybe begins to see a different view.

“Then if they love you back they won’t feel burdensome weight at all, but instead a lightness from knowing that you trust them.”

“....” Sanji sofly stomps out the embers from his first finished cigarette and pulls out a second. “How would you describe the  _ feeling _ of love?” he asks softly, rolling the lighter in his hands and the cigarette resting unlit between his lips.

Robert absorbs the moment, a soft smile gracing his lips as he sees the gears turning in Sanji’s head, finally putting together the puzzle he’d been trying to solve.

“It’s really hard to describe. And different for everyone too. My friend Erina always made it sound so magical with butterflies in her stomach and clouds in her head. I always thought it felt like being hit in the chest with a hot frying pan!” he laughs, getting a small chuckle from Sanji as well. “But the best way, I think, is who is on your mind the most, the first person you think to call whether it be because something went wrong or because the most amazing thing just happened.” As Robert talks he can see Sanji’s eyes widen and face go slack with realization. His unlit cigarette hits the ground with a soft tap. “Anyone in particular come to mind?”

“I-uh-shit.” Sanji stumbles over his tongue, “I think I did but he’s well- a he and- oh god we’re best friends what if this fucks that up shit. Do I like guys? I mean yeah sometimes I doze off in his direction and he does look damn cute when he’s covered in paint from his latest project and he’s just so easy to talk to sometimes it feels like we can just read each other but- he’s also, he can be annoying and get on my nerves and we fight plenty but then again at the end of the day he’s still...there.” The words tumble out of his mouth faster than he can even process them and when he finally slows down enough to think again he slowly pulls his phone out of his pocket and looks at the messages he’d been neglecting since he was dumped. Messages of encouragement and ramblings about his crush’s new adventures fill the screen. He notices they stopped being sent a few hours ago and feels guilty for neglecting him whilst he wallowed in his own self-pity.

“Being in love means accepting the good just as much as the bad.” 

Sanji laughs humorlessly, “How do I not fuck it up?”

Robert shrugs, “I don’t know, but very rarely does it hurt to try.”

“Hah. Well thanks a ton you shitty old geezer.”

“Old geezer?! What happened to not being that much older than you!?”

“Good night Old man!” Sanji grinns, ending the conversation by popping open the room door and slipping in amongst the other sleepy teens.

Robert smiles after him. Ah, yes, the troubles of young love. He can only hope he helped to push the kid in the right direction.

The tone rings several times before a feminine voice picks up on the other end.

“You Jinxed me.” Robert says simply.

“Oh? How so?” Erina quipps, tone fighting between amused and concerned.

“Short version: I’m currently on a roadtrip to Florida with a truckful of teenagers and likely two traffic violations from being arrested.”

He laughs at her stunned silence on the other end.

“My taxi got snowed in and I missed my flight,” Robert provides, he only said the crazier part first to make a joke out of his whole situation. “Everything afterwards was purely circumstantial insanity. I’m still going to try to make it home but it seems that all flights are booked to hell.”

“Oh, I’m sorry your plans fell through.” she replies in her typical lady-of-the-house manner. He hears a door sofly click and her sliding into a chair clumsily, likely holding the phone base in one hand and throwing the cord around to accommodate one of her many ridiculous poses that she only takes behind closed doors with those closest to her. “So when should we expect you? Christmas eve? With a sleigh full of carolers?” she jests.

“Ah yes, right after I fight Santa for the title of Father Christmas.”

“Seriously, it’s only the fourteenth, you have plenty of time. And if I know my best friend…” she leads on.

“And of course you do, you brilliant woman.” Robert supplies.

She hums happily, “Then come hell or high water, he’ll get whatever the fuck he wants.”

Robert snorts, taken off guard by her rare use of a swear word.

“Alright well I have to go get ready for bed, I’ll see you soon Erina.”

“See you soon Robert.”

He hangs up the phone, chest a little lighter imagining his best friend’s smug face as he inevitably makes it there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I know what I was doing coming into this fic? Yes.  
> Do I know what I'm doing now? Absolutely not.


	4. Fifteen Hours More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a scene to the last chapter because I got the idea and the motivation for it after it was already posted ;P

"Are those…"

"Glue sticks?" Coby finishes for his boyfriend as they peer into the open suitcase before them.

"Why are they in a makeup bag with concealer?" Desire ponders, glancing at the bathroom, shower occupied by the current owner of the items in question.

"Maybe he draws his eyebrows?" Robert shrugs.

Everyone looks at him. It made sense with the man's perfectly straight and manicured eyebrows but what does that have to do with glue sticks?

"The most efficient and cheap way to make your eyebrows disappear is to glue-slick em' down, blow dry it solid, and concealer it for a blank canvas." He explains, taking a sip of coffee and continuing on packing away his now less-wet-but-certainly-not-dry clothes,  _ 'looks like I'm dressing punk a while longer' _ he muses to himself.

"Does this have to do with your childhood on the streets?" Desire asks, impressed by his knowledge.

"No. This had to do with my  _ teenage _ years on the streets. Big difference."

"There's a difference?" Helmeppo asks, oddly intrigued.

"Less puppy dog eyes, more ass kicking and cheating at gambling."

"We have returned with food!" Bartolomeo cheers, crashing through the doors and struggling with the bags in his arms.

Tashigi enters behind him, closing the door softly with her heel as she carries twice as many bags as her shopping buddy. "Don't worry, I made sure we got  _ some  _ real food"

"Gummy Bears  _ are  _ a food!"

"No, they're really not."

"And grape nuts are?!"

"Please tell me you bought off the list I gave you!" Sanji's voice carries through the bathroom door, the shower off.

"I tried!" Tashigi replies, side eyeing Bartolomeo as he eats dry captain crunch cereal.

"Thank you Tashingi sweetheart!" He calls dreamily. "….Shit. Godamndhsjsshityfuckshsk." Sanji suddenly grumbles unintelligibley, clearly directed at something else. A moment later he comes out of the bathroom, shirtless but at least wearing pants with his towel wrapped around his shoulders and his previously slicked back bangs now combed over his eyes. He stumbles over to his bag and snatches up the makeup bag of glue sticks and concealer before trying to make a break for the bathroom again.

"Hold it." Desire stands in his way. "I need to know," she points at the bag, "do you actually draw on your eyebrows?"

"You can't just ask a man that!" Helmeppo cries.

"I just wanna know if Robert's right! Besides, we're a bunch a' crazy strangers in this adventure together! We got nothin' ta prove and nothin' ta hide!"

Sanji fidgets, clearly uncomfortable but not wanting to disappoint a lady.

Tashigi assesses the situation herself and decides that since Sanji is far more persuaded by women it makes her the deciding factor in whether or not he shares. And she can already feel Helmeppo and Coby's curiosity-loving puppydog eyes boreing into the back of her skull.

"Actually Sanji, I'm quite curious myself."

He pepps up at that, both women in the room having asked. He hesitates for a moment more though, relenting with a sigh of finality.

“Alright, but only because you beautiful ladies asked.”

He pulls back the bangs from his right side to reveal a single perfectly manicured eyebrow that ends in a swirl.

“How wonderfully unique.” Robert muses aloud.

Coby and Bartholomeo hold onto each other, trembling with some unknown energy.

“So wait, you used the glue just to cover up the ends of your eyebrows?” Desire questions, mildly disappointed, “What’s the point?”.

“Probably to prevent this.” Helmeppo points to the two boys still firmly holding each other but now with tears streaming down their cheeks.

“Are they.. alright?” Tashigi asks.

“More than alright,” Coby sniffles.

“This is the best day of my life.” Bartholomeo adds.

Sanji pushes his bangs out of his right eye with a sense of confident finality, a charming grin to match. “And here I was going to quietly sneak autographs into your bags, I should have known better than to think I could sneak by the Straw Hat Band’s two biggest fans.”

“The swirly-browed bass guitarist and backup singer, the legendary Black Leg Sanji!!!” The pair squeal in horribly harmonious delight.

“So his eyebrows are enough to make him unrecognizable?” Robert questions.

“The Straw Hat’s concerts are mostly wild moshpits with crazy lights and pyrotechnics, the only thing you can really make out are their siloghetts and most distinct features. And because they’re still a rookie band, they don’t have any marketing to put pictures of them in the media yet.” Helmeppo explains in a matter-of-fact way that tells he’s been to many such concerts and has had to listen to many, many rambles from his absolute fanboy of a boyfriend.

“Wait. If you can actually sing then what the fuck were you doing singing so badly in the car yesterday!?” Desire demands.

He shrugs, “Singing off-key is more fun sometimes.”

The second half of the trip was just as rowdy as the first but this time Tashigi took responsibility of the wheel, ensuring that the vehicle would remain in control and they all won’t be spending the holidays in jail.

“Well thanks for making this an adventure!” Bartholomeo cheers, the top half of his body slung out the passenger window so he could hug Robert before they say farewell.

“Thank you for picking me up for this adventure! And, for the dry clothes.” He laughs, he already tried returning them, resigned to his damp clothes but Bartholomeo would have none of it, his new friend is gonna be warm and look cool as hell for as long as he has any say about it!

“Oi Old man!” Sanji nudges his way through the sunroof, long legs bent awkwardly to make it up there, “Thanks for the advice, I won’t be able to do anything until after the holidays since he’s in New York right now, but thanks a ton ya’ shitty old geezer!”

“You’re welcome ya’ little punk!” Robert plays into his banter. “I hope you’re not planning to spend Christmas alone anymore at least!”

“Not a chance! I’m spending it with my dad, he’s an even shittier and older geezer than you but at least he knows how to make a damn good souffle!”

“Well I’m off now-”

“Wait a moment!” Tashigi struggles with her seatbelt and ends up falling face first on the ground. She manages to recover quickly, grabbing her glasses and combat rolling to her feet, a small booklet in her other hand. “It’s an address book, I got all of out numbers and emails in it so we can keep in touch! I have one for everyone, the only one who’s information I haven’t gotten is yours. Would you please?” She pulls out a second book with a pen and holds it out to him.

“I would love to.” He adds his information to her book and tucks away his own safely.

They bid their final farewells and Robert makes his way through the airport once more, hopefully there’ll be an open seat on a plane that’ll at least get him closer to England.

Of course that was too optimistic. He bangs his head against the counter.

“I’m sorry sir but there just aren’t any open seats on flights to New York or England until late January.”

“So I see we’re in a similar situation.” A smooth voice sounds next to him.

“Oh I don’t know about that. Where are you trying to get to?” Robert lifts his head to look at the man properly. He is well put-together with a uniquely gothic aesthetic with cold and calculating eyes to match. In stark contrast, however, is the gurgling pink haired baby girl strapped to his chest. 

“Virginia. But if you’re trying to get to New York from here then we’re headed the same way. Say,” he turns to address the airport employee, “isn’t there a train nearby? Does it go north?”

“Yes sir it does, I can look up the train schedule right here if you’ll please wait a moment….. Here we are, there’s a train bound for Michigan that makes a stop in Virginia, about a fifteen hour trip.”

“Thank you.” He turns back to Robert, “So what will you do?”

Robert stands up a little straighter, “Catch that train. Name’s Robert E.O. Speedwagon, you?” he extends his hand and the man grasps it firm and shakes his hand.

“Dracule Mihawk. And this is my daughter, Perona.”

“Pleasure to meet you both. Looks like we’ve got a train to catch.”

“Indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was supposed to be finished yesterday so I'm now a day behind my own schedule but I'll catch up again somehow XD


	5. Train Delays and Musical Days

Robert rests his elbows on his knees, trying to catch his breath and frankly amazed by his new companion’s stamina as the man doesn’t look strained in the slightest.

For a while they sit in a mutual silence, not cold nor awkward, just peaceful aside from Perona’s soft babbling and the muffled rattling of bells from inside her peculiar chimera plush toy.

The plush drops to the floor with a soft jingle and Perona stretches out her small hands for it but is helpless to reach it. Robert picks it up and playfully moves it around in front of her as if it were a living animal, leaping into the air and back into her arms. He looks to Mihawk and sees about what he expected from a single dad, the man is fast asleep, surprisingly still and looking very stoic. Perona looks far from tired though as every little sight and sound is of the utmost interest to her. Robert takes pity on the squirming little girl and carefully pulls her into his own arms, turning her so they look out the window together, the motion mixed with interesting scenery has the girl pointing and babbling sounds towards passing objects to which Robert does his best to name all of for this small child still yet to learn her words.

A while later she decides she’s had enough of that and begins to fidget in his lap. He takes her hands and starts teaching her how to play patty-cake, a good learning game for coordination and excess energy.

“You’re surprisingly good with kids.”

Robert turns his attention to his now conscious travel companion. “And you’re probably the most well functioning single father I’ve ever seen.”

“I wouldn’t say that…” He looks contemplatively through the window only to be interrupted in his brooding by the shoving of a jingly stuffed animal into his face. He turns his head to look around the patchwork monster bear to find his daughter mustering her best pout. She jingles the toy directly in his face again. “Thank you darling.” he says with a soft chuckle and the faintest of smiles. “It appears she’s figured out that brooding is a rather unamusing state.” he takes her back into his own lap and allows her to clumsily take off his hat and place it on her own head where it falls over her eyes. He pulls it back so that it remains on her head but no longer covers her eyes as she finally seems to be getting sleepy.

“So is there a particular reason you’re traveling like this?” Robert asks, referring to how he met the man at the airport desk.

“I’m a bit down on my luck, out of the job because the company no longer perceived my position as useful, and got kicked from my apartment yesterday. I have some friends in Virginia that want to help, but I have to get there first. What about yourself?”

“Oh, well my family- well I call them family but none of us are related by blood- they still live back in England, save for my significant other who travels a lot. I moved to America some years ago for a fresh start and this is the first time I’ll have the funds to visit them for the holidays but from the very beginning all of my plans have fallen apart and here I am.”

“I admire your determination and optimism young man.”

“‘Young man’?” Robert snorts, “Yesterday I was called ‘Old Geezer’, what weird age even am I?”

There was a car accident, a bad one, on the tracks several miles from the train station in South Carolina. Because of this, the train would be delayed by several hours.

For now the two men and one bouncing baby girl made a stop at a cafe, two coffees and a cake pop.

“How on earth do you consume that?” Mihawk shivers in disgust at Robert’s overly sugary coffee.

“I like sweets.” he replies with a simple shrug. “I don’t get how the hell you can drink that but you don’t hear me complaining’.” he refers to Mihawk’s dark black coffee.

Perona gurgles happily as she attempts to wrap her uncoordinated chubby little fingers around the broken up bits of cake pop to shove the yummy treat uncaringly into her mouth.

They walk through the town, two hours yet before the train would be leaving again, when the beautifully serene sound of an acoustic guitar catches their attention. They follow the sound to a lovely snow-filled park where, sitting cross-legged on a bench, eyes closed and guitar case open with spare change that a few passerbys have thrown in it, is a young man. His fingers dance skillfully and precisely across the strings of a beautiful six-string guitar decorated with a handful of bright and colorful stickers, his long and dark curly hair tied back into a ponytail and under a beanie save for a few loose strands falling into his face.

The song comes to an end and the boy lets out a deep breath, absently plucking at a string or two as he loses himself to his thoughts.

“So, where are you trying to get to?” Robert asks casually.

The boy nearly falls off the bench jumping in surprise at being suddenly addressed. “Wha- wh- who Me?” he points at himself, blinking dumbly as if there was someone else next to him that could be the one being asked.

“Yes you.” Robert laughs and sits next to him. “I know this set up, playing street music to try and get enough for the bus fare around the corner.”

“Know it from personal experience or observation?” Mihawk asks, shifting Perona more comfortably on his hip.

Robert shrugs, “A bit of both I suppose.” He turns back to the musician, “So?”

“Well you’d be right. Not that a bus would be able to get me there though.” He sighs, a grim smile forcing its way onto his face.

Robert looks at him and patiently waits for him to relent why.

It doesn’t take long, “New York. I was supposed to spend the holidays here with my girlfriend but she dumped me all the sudden so now I’m just trying to drag my sorry ass back to my parents in New York.”

“You’re right, a bus won’t get you there.” Mihawk takes a sip of coffee, “But a train might get you pretty close.” he smirks, side-eyeing Robert.

“Now there’s a great idea! You see we’re currently waiting on a train delay in our trip to Virginia, from there I’m going to New York, would you like to come along with us?”

The boy looks between the two of them in disbelief, “But what about the train fare- I don’t have enough for a bus let alone-”

“No problem, I’ll cover you.” Robert smiles patiently.

“You- You would?” the boy looks close to tears as a grateful smile wobbles its way across his cheeks, “Thank you! Thank you so much!” he sniffles, a palm rubbing at his eye to hold back his tears. “My name is Usopp by the way, I don’t think we were ever introduced.”

“My name’s Robert E.O. Speedwagon, and this is Mihawk and Perona.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Mihawk nods. He then lifts his knee so Perona sits on his thigh while he uses the hand he was holding he with to gently hold her little arm and wave it a little a him.

That night their traincar is filled with music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok well fuck my schedule I guess, this is just how life be i guess :p


	6. Optimism and Awful Traffic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me last year: "I spend 2 hrs on the buss everyday! I'll write this cool kinda real-time fic by writing a chapter a day!"  
>  3 days later: "So that was a fucking lie."  
> Me 2 weeks ago: "I'm quarantined anyway! I'll just pick up where I left off!"  
>  Today: "You fool. You absolute godamn baffoon."

"I believe this is where we part ways." Mihawk notes, reaching out to shake Robert and Usopp's hands.

"One moment," Robert shuffles around in his pocket on a whim, "the last group I was with gave me a little contact book, perhaps you wouldn't mind adding to my souvenir of this little holiday misadventure?"

Mihawk takes the book and pen that Robert hands him, adjusting Perona in her little baby pouch so that he could see as he wrote down his information.

"Thank you for making this trip less dull than it could have been." Mihawk addresses Robert as he hands the book back. "And Usopp. When you see my son next tell him I fully expect him to actually learn how to play a single necked guitar." He says, giving a small wave and walking away, not hesitating for further comment.

"Wait  _ you're  _ Zoro's dad!?!?" Usopp squeaks.

"...I assume there's a connection here?" Robert asks the horrifically shocked boy.

"Yeah, I've never personally met him before but my friend, he's in a band with me and plays a three necked guitar, sometimes talks about his dad and baby sister… and apparently that's them." Usopp sounds honestly as surprised by this coincidence as Robert felt.

“Alright well we should be getting to the airport to check for available flights!” Robert suggests to overcome the silence that had befallen them.

“Not that there’ll be any but sure!” Usopp’s tone is peppy but his words pessimistic.

“I’m terribly sorry sirs but all flights are booked for the month.”

“Thank you anyways, happy holidays.” Robert waves to the airport employee and walks to meet back with Usopp who sits gloomily fidgeting with one of several colorful charms on his phone.

“Am I allowed to say ‘I told you so’?” He looks up sulkily.

“No. because I’m getting us there flight or no flight!” He grabs Usopp’s arm and drags him to his feet making for the nearest car rental place he saw down the road.

“Yeah but the ‘I told you so’  _ was _ just about the flight” He quipps as Robert pulls him along.

“So. You’re going to drive us all the way to New York in  _ this _ ?” Usopp gestures out the window to the nightmarish holiday traffic caused by busy roads, snow, ice, and brutal car crashes.

“Not New York, no.” Robert begins

“Ooooookaaaaay. Where are we going theeeen?” Usopp leans away from the driver, suddenly remembering he probably shouldn’t get in cars with men he barely knows.

“Deltaville.”

Usopp looks at him like he’s lost his mind.

“There’s no such thing as traffic jams on the ocean!” Robert laughs.

“....You’re kidding. We are not taking a fucking canoe to New York.”

“Who needs a canoe when I have a speed boating licence?”

He pauses and looks out the window at the stagnant traffic. “This! This is how I die! Not in some normal way but of hypothermia from boating at high speeds in the middle of fucking winter!”

“Oooh don’t be such a dramatic! I‘ve got us covered!”

By the time they make it to the coast the sun has already set and all docks are closed so they buy a motel room for the night.

Robert exits the shower, glad for the residual heat clinging to his skin as a cold breeze wafts in from under the door and he’d much prefer to sleep in his boxers than the tight leather pants he’d been wearing the past couple days.

He plops down on the bed and casts a glance to his companion who is angrily fussing with a phone charger, a rather beat up old thing with many wrapings of electrical tape wrapped where the thing bends awkwardly. He finally seems to give up, gruffly yanking the charger out of the phone and tossing it roughly to the floor, the phone being thrown much more softly onto the end of the second motel bed before Usopp himself is thrown face first onto the mattress letting out a sound somewhere between a groan and a scream.

“Troubles on top of troubles, eh?”

“Everything that could have gone wrong has, plus a few more for good measure. I must be fucking cursed.” Usopp cries into the blankets.

“Ha, you an’ me both kid.” Robert chuckles.   
“......sorry.. You probably don’t need to hear about all of my dumb problems.”   
“.....Nah, I don’t. But it sounds like you could use to talk about 'em’.” Robert leans casually against the headboard, watching the boy patiently.

Usopp pulls his head out of the sheets and looks down at his fidgeting hands. “It’s just-” he begins with a deep breath. Then he holds it. And looks at the other man with uncertainty.   
Robert makes a point to look relaxed and attentive as he motions for him to continue.

“So there’s this guy and we’re friends, like really close friends, and I  _ think _ I maybe like him in a bit more of a  _.. romantic _ kinda way? But he’s like  _ super _ straight. So I’m like ‘ok, cool. I’ll just move on and get over it’ so I get a girlfriend, but, as it turns out I did like, a  _ super _ shitty job of moving on and she kinda figured it out and got mad at me and that’s how I ended up in this whole ‘stranded for Christmas’ situation. Also my phone’s dead and the charger’s busted and I was so reliant on my phone’s contacts that I don’t have anybody’s numbers memorized! And the guy friend who I like is supposed to be spending the holidays with  _ his _ girlfriend and so I had been trying to cheer him on like a good friend but I think I may have overdone it and I feel like maybe he also figured out I have feelings for him and that’s why he didn’t respond but also he may have just been busy and I’m the one jumping to conclusions but since my phone died I haven’t sent any messages in days and what if it freaks him out more that I suddenly just dropped contact and-” Usopp cuts himself off to take in a gasping breath, having been rambling so fast he forgot to breathe.

Robert’s gaze turns sympathetic, “Would you be surprised to hear that you’re  _ not _ the first kid I’ve given relationship advice to on this trip?”

Usopp’s expression answers for him.

“Well, you make it sound as though you’ve tried everything to get over him- have you tried just telling him?”   
“...Are you crazy!? That's exactly the kind of friendship-ending conversation I’ve been trying to avoid!!”

Robert can’t help the light chuckle that bubbles from his chest, “Just- just hear me out!”

Usopp quiets down but remains skeptical in expression.

“In order to get over him you have to first admit that you like him, because no matter how much you think you know he won’t feel the same way, there will always be a part of your mind that says  _ ‘What if?’ _ ”

“......This… other person you gave advice to…. Were they.. also ...like me?” Usopp tugs nervously on one of his loose curls.   
Robert tilts his head lazily, “Yes and no.”

Usopp’s brows scrunch together as he looks up at him.

“From what he told me, he was in love with his best friend. He just needed a little help to realize it.”

Usopp looks over at his discarded cell, looking a bit longing.

Robert follows his gaze. “How about this- I spotted an old electronics shop down the street, in the morning we can go track down a charger for that phone of yours and charge it up during breakfast before we hit the water!”

He looks up again, a hopeful smile spreading brightly on his face. “Yeah, maybe then I can take a video to prove this crazy couple of days actually happened.” he quipps.

“Hah!” Robert throws himself back onto the mattress, “What I would give to have bought a cellphone last week just to have documented this bullshit!”

Usopp picks up his guitar case and fumbles with the zipper as he attempts to summon some theatrics, “Oh, do tell! The great guitarist and songwriter Sogeking shall create a ballad of grand proportions to document your tale for all to hear!” he proclaims, flourishing his guitar pick with newfound energy.

“Sogeking? Is that your stage name in your band?”

“Uh.. no, it’s just for….” Usopp looks nervous for a moment, waving his free hand around as if to conjure up the words he’s looking for, “ _ independent _ works.. In the band I just go by my own name, not that it matters much since we aren’t really that famous yet.”

“‘Yet’ being the key word I presume,” Robert grins as his companion begins buckling away at different chords, stringing together a new melody for a story he’s yet to hear.

It was a spirited night in the drafty motel room, so what if they were to be a tad sleep deprived the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets see how far i can make it before christmas this year yall XD


End file.
